Ouch! My shampoo ran into my eyes this morning, get me my lawyer!

 You know what there isn’t enough of in this world?  JUSTICE.  You know what would solve that?  MORE LAWSUITS.  Take for instance the case of the brave very part-time actress Valerie DeKeyser (who?), she allegedly cut herself on a negligent box of wax-paper (the sharp-edged part where you detach the wax paper…just wanted to clarify that).   TMZ is exclusively reporting that Ms. DeKeyser has filed suit against the wax paper company and the grocery store where said wax paper was purchased.

This, of course, sets a whole new precedence (official legal term!) for our already rampant litigious society.  Gone are the days of just suing fast-food chains for hot coffee or fraudulent writers for supposed memoirs.  Now we are free to go after everybody and everything:

Your computer didn’t minimize that porn site fast enough before your boss could see over your shoulder?  LAWSUIT!

That tissue didn’t prevent a booger from spewing onto your hand?  LAWSUIT! 

Your “Drop-Dead Red” lipstick didn’t make you attractive enough to get the second date?  LAW-SUIT!

That $3.00 bookmarker you bought slipped out of your book and made you lose your place?  LAW-SUIT!

See where I’m going with this, people?

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