The MJ Memorial Spectacle…

I swear I wasn’t going to watch, but then it was everywhere, and when Mariah Carey walked out, with her plunging neckline and sang, “I’ll Be There,” I was trapped in the web of morbid facination, and found myself watching the whole damn train wreck to the bitter end. Even participated in Gawker’s live-blogging.

Highlights…well, I don’t know if one could really say there were highlights, it was a memorial service after all, however, there were two speakers that I thought were most heart-felt.  First, Brooke Shields, who cried while recounting memories of her adolescent friendship with Michael; essentially, two child stars forced to adapt to an adult world, and the few times they were able to steal away and be kids again.  And then, of course, at the end, the most authentic and heart-breaking moment of the entire “event,” those attending at the Staples Center and those of us watching around the world held our breath as Michael Jackson’s daughter, Paris,  gripped the microphone, and uttered, “…Daddy has been the best father you can imagine,” and “…I just wanted to say I love him so much.”  And for one minute we remembered that the world didn’t just lose one of the greatest entertainers in the history of pop culture, but that three young children had lost their father…

Anyway, the majority of the service was over-the-top, thanks to Al Sharpton’s usual ranting and raving, and Magic Johnson plugging Kentucky Fried Chicken, and there were some painful musical numbers.  Below are links to other analysis of yesterday’s service.  And if you missed the telecast, below are clips of Brooke and Paris.

King of Pop’s Little Princess, Paris Jackson, Brave in Spotlight… – NY Daily News/Michael Daly

Excess Rites All Wrong for Sicko Freak – NY Post/Andrea Peyser

Jackson’s Final Act: Sainthood – The Huffington Post/Sharon Waxman

The Ten Most Important Moments of the Michael Jackson Memorial Mess – Gawker/Richard Lawson

Michael Jackson Memorial Service as Normal as Can Be – Chicago Sun Times/Richard Roeper

Note to Harold & House, “Please bring WC burgers to the WH, Stat”

Mr. Kumar goes to Washington — starting TODAY — as an Associate Director in the Office of Public Engagement at the White House! Yes, that’s correct!  As reported earlier this year, funny man, Kal Penn, of quality film franchises such as Harold & Kumar and Van Wilder, and TV’s popular series House, decided to take a break from weed jokes, Neil Patrick Harris, and grumpy doctors, and work for President Obama.

Yay, awesome, good for him!

Anyway, let’s hope his first day doesn’t involve any crazy shenanigans or mishaps with our President, like this one…(NSFW/language/adult content)

Chris Kattan, Hilary Duff, Bridezillas & Anarchy…

Shall we have  a nice little TV round-up before we all head off to our Independence weekend festivities??  Oh, let’s!…

• F/X returning series: two of the best series on television happen to be on the same network (now how the hell did that happen?).  Sons of Anarchy will be back September 8 and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia will return for it’s FIFTH season September 17.
• Chris Kattan, Patricia Heaton and Janitor from Scrubs all hope to make some money: they will be starring in a new ABC series called The Middle.  Heaton and Janitor (no, I’m not being vague just for the sake of being vague, that is what they really called him the show) play a married couple and Kattan is Heaton’s co-worker at a car dealership. Sounds riveting.
• Cause what Gossip Girl needs is more celebrity guest stars: Hilary Duff will be joining the cast of the WB’s saucy series next season where she will play a famous movie star just wanting to be like everybody else on GG and go to NYU.  Coincidence?  I think not.
• Bridezillas, 24 hours a day: the kids over at Rainbow Media/WE decided that a few hours of their airtime is just not enough to dedicate to the out-of-control bridal industry. So they have decided to create a FULL-TIME bridal channel.  I’m not sure how I feel about this yet because I tend to be one of those channel flippers that gets her flipper stuck on said bridal crap.

Ok that’s all I got for now…have a nice weekend everybody!

Keep pumping the Oxygen, cause these kids are dancing their asses (and thighs and stomachs and flabby arms) off

It’s no secret, I’m kind of a sucker for the uplifting/inspiring/positive/turn-your-life around reality shows.  I can’t even get through a 30-second promo for NBC’s The Biggest Loser or ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition without blubbering all the way to my box of tissues.  Well, now the kids at Oxygen can join that list with their new dancing-weight-loss reality series, Dance Your Ass Off.

And yes, it is as entertaining as the title sounds.

Enthusiastic and determined, the 12 contestants, many of which definitely have larger-than-life personalities (see: Karla and Trice, just to name two),  shimmy their way through high-energy dance routines (the theme changes weekly) with professional (and very supportive) dance partners, in the hopes of losing the most weight and gaining the end-of-the-series cash prize of $100,000.  The show also includes a long-term educational focus, with the contestants learning how to prepare healthier foods and modify their eating habits/lifestyle.  And of course, this is when the tissue moments come out.

For those of you obsessed with the three judge format, yes, this show has that, AND BONUS, they have the token British judge, because, discovered through rigorous marketing research, Americans think that judges with British accents tend to be more authoritative/credible/the pompous thing is easier to rip on.

And hosting the show, you ask?  Well, none  other then the delightful Tony Award-winning actress, Marissa Jaret Winokur (Hairspray, DWTS), who I had the pleasure of chatting with (btw, one of the nicest celebs I’ve ever met…and I’ve met/worked with/casually followed down the street many celebs, so take my word, she’s one of the good ones).  Anyway, for you fans out there, her favorite kind of dancing, other than the Broadway/Fosse thing, is the tango.  Oh, and her plans to get back to Broadway?

“If anyone writes me a show I’ll go back!”

You hear that out-of-work Broadway writers?

WRITE MARISSA A SHOW, DAMN IT!

Anyway, DYAO airs Monday nights at 10/9 PM, so go to the Oxygen website to find out more about the show and the contestants. And below is the premiere episode, in case you missed it…enjoy!

Americans drowned their sorrows in popcorn butter this weekend

Well, last week was truly a bummer (Farrah & MJ)…and with infomercial king, Billy Mays squeezing in with his passing Sunday morning, I think it’s safe to say we could all use a cocktail or two.

Turns out I’m the minority with that coping skill, because the majority of my fellow Americans took to the air-conditioned movie theaters and turned to giant talking cars and hottie Megan Fox for comfort.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen grossed $112 million this weekend, bringing the domestic total to just over $200 million since it opened this past Wednesday.

Here is the run-down of this weekend’s box-office numbers (source: Hollywood.com). I love how there is almost a $100 million difference between the top two spots.

1. “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” $112 million.

2. “The Proposal,” $18.5 million.

3. “The Hangover,” $17.2 million.

4. “Up,” $13 million.

5. “My Sister’s Keeper,” $12 million.

6. “Year One,” $5.8 million.

7. “The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3,” $5.4 million.

8. “Star Trek,” $3.6 million.

9. “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian,” $3.5 million.

10. “Away We Go,” $1.7 million.

Ok, so next blockbuster on deck?  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince! AWESOME!

…and next round of celebrity deaths?  Ugh, let’s not go there.

R.I.P.

Farrah Fawcett, 1947-2009

Michael Jackson, 1958-2009

…I’ve been reading other blogs/comments, and the sentiment seems to be pretty much the same about Michael Jackson’s sudden death…that although he’s a global musical icon, and helped define the 80’s MTV generation, it’s hard to shake the controversy that surrounded him/bizarre behavior he displayed: the child molestation trial, numerous plastic surgeries, questionable parenting, extravagant child-esque lifestyle (hello, Neverland Ranch) and his financial troubles.  I personally can’t help but reflect on his influence on the early development of my musical interests/intrigue with pop culture.  Thriller was the first cassette tape I owned and I played that thing until it merely became a warped useless piece of plastic. His dancing, videos, one-of-a-kind-entertainer quality inspired and raised the bar in popular music, hence his title as the King of Pop.  However, as we know, it has been years since he has inspired anything other than tabloid fodder. For now, I just hope that his children are cared for… as someone I know so astutely put it, “I imagine whoever takes care of them now will be a vast improvement.”  …or not…

Anyway, I hope both Ms. Fawcett and Mr. Jackson rest in peace…and it’s just so crazy to mourn the death of two widely popular, very successful iconic celebrities on the same day.

The only time I will ever confuse Elijah Wood & Johnny Depp

Oops…so, when I caught this photo online this morning, I was like, “What in the world is Elijah Wood wearing??”  Yeah, not so much, it’s Johnny Depp!  He’s playing the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s film adaptation of  “Alice in Wonderland” set to hit theaters next year.  But does anyone (anyone?…anyone? Bueller?)  sort of see the resemblance of the two actors’ smile/stare here?… or am I totally on crack, and now forever cursed to confuse hot and not so hot actors?…I mean, maybe it’s the crazy hair, crazy makeup and general craziness of the whole thing that threw me off.  In any other circumstance, even possibly a moonlit forest at midnight, I don’t think I would ever confuse the two.  Well, whatever…Elijah, you better enjoy this moment of mistaken identity, and Johnny, ugh, so, so sorry…at least I didn’t think you were Carrot Top.

Here are the other images that were just released, Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen of Hearts and Anne Hathaway as the White Queen…and click here for more details about the film…I have to say, I’m very much quite intrigued.

Chocolate, wine, and now gossiping: the trifecta of healthiness

"Screw this! Let's continue our gossiping over some chocolate and wine." "Great idea! No one ever said ironing would help us live longer."

I was so excited when they reported that chocolate was good for you.  And then of course I was ecstatic when it was announced that wine was good for you too.  And for the last few years I have been hoping and praying that gossiping would turn out to be good for me too.  Well guess what??  IT IS!!

According to the highly intelligent kids at the University of Michigan, gossiping will help you live a healthier, happier and longer life. Apparently, it has something to do with hormones, and when women bond closely with other women, which inevitably means gossiping about stuff/celebs/neighbors, etc. the hormones do their thing and voila!, healthy stuff occurs in the body.

Anyway, I’m thinking that at the rate I consume chocolate, wine and gossip, it’s pretty obvious that I’m going to live to be about 200 years-old.  AWE-SOME!!

…maybe ur doin it wrong?

my leg! oh, god, leg cramp!!!

Well, what will the kids think of next…you know that popular past-time, Air Guitar, where you lift your leg in the air and strum at it like it’s really an electric guitar? Yeah, well, how about a little Air S*x?  Yeah, that’s right, Air S-e-x…apparently, this is a hot trend for the not-so-shy peoples all over the nation…in fact there is a championship world tour going on right now.  Yes, my dear readers, there are “champions” of this…actually, it is quite the performance art and I imagine there could be other honors bestowed upon these gyrating thespians, it’s only a matter of time.

Here is the list of remaining “gettin’ lucky” cities, with the location of where the Air S*x will be occurring:

Fri 06/12 New York, NY Finals: Highline Ballroom
Sat 06/13 Toronto, ONT Finals: El Mocambo
Sun 06/14 Chicago, IL Finals: Logan Square Auditorium
Mon 06/15 Kansas City, MO Finals: The Record Bar
Wed 06/17 Salt Lake City, UT Finals: The Urban Lounge
Fri 06/19 Seattle, WA Finals: El Corazon
Sat 06/20 Portland, OR Finals: Dante’s
Sun 06/21 Vancouver, BC Finals: Location TBA
Wed 06/24 San Francisco, CA Finals: The Independent
Thu 06/25 San Diego, CA Finals: The Casbah
Fri 06/26 Los Angeles, CA Finals: The Echoplex
Sat 06/27/09 Tucson, AZ Finals: Location TBA
2009 World Finals: Date and time TBA

And words really can’t give this phenomenon justice. Yes, even my awesome words… so if you are compelled (and I know you are), then check out the video below.  NSFW.  I repeat: NSFW, and NSFHBE (Not Safe For Heavy Blushers Either). If you are still not satisfied (ha!) then check out the official website for more info on the tour.

Hey angry nurses, forgetaboutit…leave Carmela alone

Everybody’s favorite mob wife, Edie Falco, is now in a new Showtime series called Nurse Jackie. It’s intriguing enough, but let’s be honest, Edie will always be Carmela Soprano to me and that’s that. Regardless, I’m sure an edgy and controversial House-esque series on subscriber-only cable will appeal to lots of kids out there… and it helps that it’s kind of a slow “interesting TV” time right now.

Anyway, there is one scrubs-wearing group out there syringe-mad about the show: real-life nurses!

According to the NY Daily News, because Nurse Jackie pops vicodin and is unconventional in her professional/ethical ways, some of the nurses of America think that every citizen of this country will think that’s really how it is.  Well, it is, isn’t it??

Kidddddinnngggg…but seriously, c’mon, give us a bit more credit than that, please.  As Showtime so succinctly put it:

“This is a show of fiction, and its purpose, first and foremost, is entertainment,” said Stuart Zakim, vice president of corporate communications.

“We are confident the viewing public will understand that and can differentiate between a work of fiction and a documentary, which this clearly is not.”

Thank you, Showtime, for having faith in the American people…now those concerned nurses out there, I implore you to do the same. And please remember, it’s just TV, not life or death like you deal with everyday, right?? Sheesh.

On that note, here’s the first episode…